Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
