The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
