So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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