jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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