I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
