Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
