let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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