best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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