nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
