Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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