Me. At least after what I've been through.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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