I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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