I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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