I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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