No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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