Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
