sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
