Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
