He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
