I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
