Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
