i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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