i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
