I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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