i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
