He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
