whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
