Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
