I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Holy sore nipples Batman
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
