once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
