Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
