he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
