3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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