ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
