i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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