dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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