please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
