maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
