This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
