I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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