Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
