did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
