He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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