she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
