I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
