you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
