Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
