At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
did i walk over a car last night?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
