some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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