I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
