i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
