Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
