when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
