Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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