I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
