did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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