I will die if light touches me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
