I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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