I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize