How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize