yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
