it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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