Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
