I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
smell my finger.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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