Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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