I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
