Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize