I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
