I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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